


The Chance At Something More

by squidgie



Series: The Shrine of Painful Memories [3]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Community: comment_fic, First Kiss, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-14
Updated: 2018-03-14
Packaged: 2019-03-31 12:45:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13975431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/squidgie/pseuds/squidgie
Summary: Again set immediately after the previous chapter, building on the storyline.  This is for comment_fic's "multiples of 3" prompt style (this is 1881 words in Grammarly, which is 627 * 3) and Brumeier's prompt: Stargate Atlantis, John Sheppard/Rodney McKay, taking a chance





	The Chance At Something More

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Brumeier](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brumeier/gifts).



Before John left the lab, there was so much that Rodney wanted to talk to him about, but he didn't get the chance. When Rodney finally broke for lunch, he tried to track John down - and managed to catch sight of him when he walked into the mess. Rodney smiled at John, who met his smile with an almost bashful smile of his own. They _have_ to be on the same page, and at least John was alone. It would give them a chance to, maybe, talk. Rodney got in line, and just before he picked up a sandwich, the sound of a faraway explosion silenced the crowded room, the look of panic on the cook's face the last haunting image before Rodney dropped his tray and raced towards the explosion. Rodney joined the throng of people heading to help, running before he realized it as multiple voices vied for his attention on the radio. He rounded a corner when there was a beep - one he recognized as something he'd developed for use by senior staff only - which caused him to switch his radio band. "McKay," he barked as he hit the transporter with a couple of Marines.

"It's Sheppard," came John's voice. And how weird was it that they'd been using first names just a few hours ago, but suddenly they were back to a more formal basis? "There were two explosions on the lower level, sectors 11G, and 12C. We've got two teams trapped."

"I'm on my way," Rodney replied. "Where do you want me?"

There was a flurry of voices on the other end, then John's voice came back. "I'm with Zelenka at 12C. Can you grab Lorne and find out what's going on at 11G?"

"You got it," Rodney said. He stepped out of the transporter and caught sight of Lorne. He grabbed Lorne and gave him a quick update when his headset beeped another new tone, indicating his and Sheppard's private channel, so he switched frequencies again. 

"Rodney?" John asked. There was a desperate, almost fragile quality to the tone of his voice that caused Rodney to stumble.

"John?"

"Just be careful, okay?"

Rodney couldn't help but smile, even amidst the crisis. "You, too."

~*~*~

It was two dozen Marines that were injured due to a training exercise that had somehow - mistakingly - involved live ammo. Rodney had never seen John so angry in all the years they had been on Atlantis together. Due to the extensive structural damage, it took hours until they could get medical help to the first survivor. Before Rodney knew it, it had been over ten hours since he'd dropped his lunch tray. So once all that remained was the cleanup, Rodney stumbled down the corridor to check on the second rescue area. It was still bustling with activity, with personnel coming and going.

Of course, John was in the middle of it. He overheard someone say Sheppard's crew was working on getting the last two Marines out, the rest of them either out due to surgery, recovering, or fighting for their lives in the Infirmary, ten stories above their heads. When John finally lost focus enough to see Rodney, there was the promise of a smile on his face., just buried under grime, sweat, and what looked like a scrape across his forehead. But at least it was there. John said something to a couple of Marines, then stepped away, and went to Rodney's side.

"How's it going?" Rodney asked.

"Last two," John said as he pointed to the work. "We've probably got a couple hours left."

"Sheppard!" someone called.

"Right there," John yelled back. He put a hand on Rodney's shoulder. "You need to get something to eat and get some sleep. We're gonna have to deal with the structural analysis and reroute power, maybe water, and other stuff in the morning."

Rodney started to balk. "But-"

"No buts," John replied. "I'll see you in the morning, okay?" And with a nod and a wink, he went back to work.

Rodney watched for a moment, momentarily angry for the universe for throwing a wrench into his plans about finally getting to talk to John about... Well, whatever this was between them. But a sudden thud of a couple tons of building breaking free and slamming to the ground recaptured his attention. "Almost there, Freeman," John said, and in an instant, Rodney felt even worse. People were fighting for their lives, but here he was, yearning for something others from the expedition would never have.

As he walked back to his quarters, Rodney thought about the loss that had happened. He diverted to the Mess to get something to eat, not even tasting it as he chewed the stale sandwich. Instead, his mind remained focused on those that were lost. He didn't know who they were - but were they all different than himself? They came to a strange galaxy, left some loved ones behind, and became part of a new family. A family that, even in the face of loss like today, was slowly growing. Couples were pairing off. Children were being born. 

Atlantis was more colony than outpost these days, and he was glad to be part of it.

Rodney entered his quarters and instantly felt like collapsing on his bed. But a glance in the mirror showed that he was just as filthy as John had been, so he thought on his shower, tossed his dirty clothes into a pile, and then let the water cascade across his shoulders as he mentally tried to relax.

But his mind just kept drifting to John; what time they'd spent together. What he was finally admitting to himself about what he wanted. From himself, and from John. By the time he climbed under the covers, he'd made up his mind about telling John exactly what he wanted - and hoped that it was the same thing John wanted as well.

He was asleep between one thought and the next, a gentle smile on his face.

~*~*~

Something stirred, drawing Rodney back to consciousness. He opened his eyes as the doors to his quarters closed and was awake enough to know John was standing on the other side of his bed. "John?"

"Cheng. Hallsey, too," he said, voice thick with emotion. As Rodney's eyes adjusted, he saw that the expression on John's face matched his tone of voice. "They were both just kids."

Rodney couldn't help but reach out to John. "I'm so sorry," he whispered. He knew just how much each loss weighed on John, something Rodney had seen several times over the years. 

John took off his TAC vest, undid his thigh holster, and laid both on a nearby trunk Rodney used for his clothes. He sat down on the bed and let out a sigh, then scooted next to Rodney. "They barely had a chance to start their lives. Both graduated Annapolis and recruited into the SGC. Cheng said after her tour she was going back to Sacramento. Gonna start a family." John sighed. "Never got to know Hallsey all that well. Ronon said he was a good guy."

The silence stretched tight between them. Rodney finally broke it when he put a hand on John's shoulder. "Is there anything I can do?"

John sighed, then scrubbed at the frustration on his face with grubby hands. He stood, then said, "Sorry, sorry. I shouldn't have come. I just thought..." He glanced around, then said, "Sorry," and turned to the door.

Rodney watched as John fled his quarters. It happened so fast that he barely had time to react. By the time he was out the door, John was halfway down the corridor. And though it was past midnight, Rodney didn't hesitate, nor quiet his voice when he called, "Sheppard. John. _John_!"

John finally stopped, then slowly turned. He looked at Rodney, a pained expression full of sorrow and regret plainly on his face.

All Rodney could do in response was outstretch his hands as he gave John the barest hint of a smile. One that said the words he knew he would have a hard time expressing verbally.

And that's all it took.

Thick, fast footfalls echoed off the empty corridor as John double-timed it to Rodney's side. He stood a hair's breath away from Rodney, so close that Rodney felt the heat coming from John's body. Neither moved until Rodney slowly reached forward and wrapped his finger around John's pinkie, holding his breath until...when?

John raised his hands, Rodney instantly missing the presence of calloused skin against his own, and put his fingertips on each side of Rodney's face. Deep, hazel eyes gazed so deep into Rodney that he felt it in his soul. And then suddenly John's lips brushed against his own.

That was the moment Rodney knew what he'd been missing his entire life. And he didn't intend on wasting another minute without John by his side.

Their kiss was as intense as it was brief. John pulled back, and almost looked like he was going to bolt again, but Rodney took him by the arm. He pulled John into his quarters, then pinned him against the door as soon as it closed behind them. John tasted like coffee and strawberry power bars - which made Rodney smile. It was the one Rodney liked the least and explained how John always managed to have chocolate ones for Rodney; he must have traded for them. Just one more reason Rodney loved the man in front of him.

Love. That must be what he's feeling. Because while Rodney had been in relationships before, none had felt so real, so raw as the feeling growing in his chest.

"I'm sorry," John said when they finally broke apart.

Rodney looked around, confused. "Why? What's wrong?"

John shrugged, wiping his chin with his shoulder, and then reached out and rubbed what must have been a smudge on Rodney's cheek. "I'm filthy." John took a step back. "I really should go take a shower, but honestly, I'm too exhausted. I think I'm just gonna go to bed."

Smiling, Rodney took advantage of a distracted John by turning him toward the bed. He pushed him down, and then climbed over him, each man claiming the side that they'd taken the night before. "Lay down," he said.

"But I'm-" John protested.

"So I'll wash the sheets," Rodney replied. He reached out and put a hand on John's chest, then felt as John took a deep breath. As John exhaled, Rodney could practically feel the nervous energy leave his body. "C'mere," Rodney said. So John curled up on his side, and Rodney pulled him close, then pulled up the light blanket over them both. Like the night before, Rodney followed John's soft, even breaths until they were both asleep. But unlike the night before, their hands were clasped at John's chest, fingers entwined.

And they slept like that for hours.


End file.
